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so... that's a thing in the world
Yesterday I noticed this particular thing. It was a brief moment of a lovely sunny afternoon. It is a thing about the way that I look at myself. When I look there's a desire to find the roots, the connections, the truth. Unfortunately there is a massive underlying assumption to all this, that I can see my self objectively. I don't realise that it is me that is doing the watching, I am watching myself, the fly on the wall isn't some lie-detector, or truth-scope, it's me, and it's just as broken as the thing it's looking at. So I see what I've always noticed, the same old issues, seen through the same old lenses. There's no perfect mirror, the mirror is bent in all the same places, that I am broken, and the underlying story is missed in the cracks and shadows created by the very thing I am looking for. And this is why we need friends, because they have different lenses and see different parts, or atleast they are on the outside and carve up the world in different ways. And when we let them tell us what they see they will reply; 'you'. They see us, they see the person doing the looking, sitting infront of the broken mirror, and they see the mirror with its distorted reflection, because the shadows don't fall so darkly for them. But it floors you, it takes the carpet from under your feet, because we start to see into the shadows, those places we kept hidden from ourselves, we see the stuff that bent the mirror, we see that we broke the mirror, because we hated our own reflection, we saw part of who we were and didn't like it so we killed it. This is why we deperately need community, to smash the mirrors and just live, this is where people change each other, where we love, and let love in. And at the moment I'm teetering, and falling looks so free. |
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(30.4.06 17:35) This is really good stuff Mattizzle. Also, the way you've expressed it is really beautiful! |
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